Dear Candy, June 12, 2011
At the beginning of this letter I want to tell you that I am still praying every night before I go to bed that you will be healed and that you will be able to enjoy many more years with your family and with Tobi and me. I will continue to do that. I do want the Lord's will to be done but these are my prayers and I can ask whatever I want to. And that's what I want more than anything in the world.
As you know, my mother died (almost exactly 7 years ago now) of ovarian cancer and I was with her throughout her last days. If I have a single regret about that time, it wasn't that I didn't tell her I loved her. I did so, many times over, and I know that she knew that. What I regret is that I was expecting a miracle so much that I wouldn't allow myself to talk to her about dying. I felt like, I could either have faith that our prayers and blessings would be answered or I could accept that she was about to leave us. So I never asked her what she was thinking, I never asked if she was scared, I never said goodbye.
So, while still praying for your complete recovery, there are some things that I want to say to you now, because anytime is a good time to say important things to someone you care about.
I remember the first time I met you. I had been on a couple of dates with Tobi, so I believe it was the fall of 1974. Tobi and I were in the Wilkinson Center at BYU where you had a ballroom dancing class. She wanted me to meet you so she took me to the doorway and we watched you dancing for a little while and then you came to the entrance and Tobi introduced us. I thought you were beautiful. You had long straight blonde hair and these striking blue eyes. I was a little shy in those days and may not have made a good impression on you. Little did I know then that we would be in-laws within a year's time.
I don't remember meeting Craig for the first time, maybe his eyes aren't as striking as yours. But we soon became great friends. I very quickly learned to appreciate (??) Craig's sense of humor. You were always concerned that people wouldn't think his jokes and teasing were as funny as he did (few people did). I usually rolled with the punches pretty well and you were constantly saying, "Oh Craig, leave them alone." (Such as with the flashlight "hand checks" at the drive in movies; the good-byes, late at night after a night of games or something when Craig would bid us good bye with "I guess Candy and I will go to bed now, see you guys later;", etc.) But the day I went up to Craig's office in early 1975 and sat down and he asked me what my intentions were regarding Tobi, I had just started my hemming and hawing when you came in the room and threw me a life line, "Oh Craig, leave him alone." I have appreciated all of your many kindnesses to me over the past 37 years, and I have seen that I am not alone. You are kind and thoughtful to everyone.
I want to be sure to tell you how much I appreciate your influence on Tobi. I love Tobi so much and she is so important to me, and you have been such an influence on her life. You have truly been more than just her sister, but her very best friend in the world as well. Tobi loves you so much Candy. I know you know that, but perhaps you don't know that she often tells others how much she loves and admires you as well. Tobi told me just the other day that there's nothing left unsaid or undone between the two of you. That's good; and I know exactly what she means and why that's important to her.
You are an example of faith. I know that family prayer was never missed in your family and I know it has blessed your lives. Many people have commented on your selfless service to others. I keep hearing new stories of the things you have done to give a helping hand when you knew, intuitively, that someone needed it. That's something that I vow to myself that I will do better with. Whenever Tobi tells me that someone needs help, I will do what I can.
It goes without saying that you have been a profound influence on your own kids, but you have also influenced mine, especially my girls. They learned so much from their mom, but they also learned from you. Things like patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, peacemaking. The list is long.
So Candy, I'm going to keep on with my self-serving prayers. If it's not the Lord's will, then I will count on His forgiveness. I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without you in it.
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same."
For all the footprints,
I love you,
Scott
